Life...Things that make you go, "Huh?"

Well, I’m again stumped for something to write about, so I’m sitting at my computer at midnight the night before my post is supposed to hit the internet. What a slacker! But I have an excuse (sure, everyone has one of those, right?). No, I do…I really do…I’ve actually been writing. You know, that thing that drives us to do all those other things like editing, querying, summarizing, promoting, distributing, blogging and whatever else we can be shamed into putting on our “writing” to do list. Okay, that’s enough stalling…inspiration has got to strike like NOW!

Since the title of this little blog is things that make you go “Huh?”, let’s talk about what I saw the other day. I was driving down a road I travel quite frequently when I noticed something new at one of the local businesses. You know those banner poles you sometimes see out in front of a business? The ones with a tall white pole and an advertising flag run lengthwise down the pole, to proclaim for all passersby the wares and services offered by said business? The ones you never really read? The ones that flap mindlessly in the wind and end up shredded like a mummy’s bandages after a few months in the Arizona sun? Yep, those are the ones.

Well, here’s what I saw. Previously I had noticed only one sign that read “Fun morning to night.” Now, since this is a cabaret type club (affectionately known as a boobie bar…you get the gist), I can see where this banner is solid for representing the kinds of services being provided. It tells the casual traveler that this establishment is fun and that the only time the fun stops is when everyone is asleep…good information to have.

But the next time I drove by, there was another sign added to the first. This one said, “Tattoos”. Huh? Okay, I’ve known a few dancers in my time and I don’t think I’ve ever known one who didn’t have a tattoo or three, be it a rose or a butterfly on her ankle, a skeleton on her shoulder, or a pair of lips on her butt. So how convenient is it to be able to get a tattoo at work? So convenient that I might consider it if I actually worked at work, but I don’t and this banner wasn’t in front of my house, making it much less convenient than just going to work and getting inked. But I’m thinking if I suggested it to my employer, there would be a meeting with HR somewhere in my future.

So, who actually gets the tattoos in a cabaret? Is it the dancers? The customers? The bouncers? Or do random strangers drive by and think, “Oh, hey, there’s a boobie bar with a tattoo artist…I think I’ll stop in and get me one of those”? And is it a real good idea to combine tattoos with women dancing virtually naked and alcohol? Don’t get me wrong…I’m not picking on the dancers. Most dancers are hard-working women supporting a family and my hat’s off to them for finding a way to support themselves and their families, and they probably make more in a month than I do. So no nasty letters, please, if you are a dancer or are married to one or your mother dances. I have a great deal of respect, and a healthy dose of jealousy, for someone who can look so damn hot while climbing a metal pole.

No, my concern is over the kind of tattoo some poor soul might choose to get while intoxicated and turned on. Maybe it would be a picture of Wile E Coyote, or (in my case) a picture of Sam Elliott, or maybe it would be a skull and crossbones on the forehead, or a zipper across the mouth. In any case, I’m betting it wouldn’t say “Mom”. Maybe they should add another banner that says “Tattoo Removal.”

Okay, I’ve wandered a bit off the beaten path with this, but I’m still not done. The next time I drove by this establishment, I noticed yet a third sign. This one said…wait for it…it’s really good…no, you won’t guess…it said “Daycare.” Now that one is a triple “Huh?”!! Daycare? Daycare for whom? Now, I’ve mentioned this sign to a number of friends and invariably the first thought is that it is employer-provided daycare for the children of the dancers. Well, yeah, that would be a nice perk because kids need a place to stay while mommy works and employer-provided daycare is handy. But wouldn’t it suffice to just stick a note in next week’s paychecks to let the employees know there’s daycare in the back room? Why advertise on a busy highway? Are there lots of travelers who drive by and think, “Hey, there’s a boobie bar with daycare…I think I’ll take little Johnny in with me for a little parent-child bonding time”? Maybe…maybe not.

And who is the target demographic for the sign? Stay at home moms? Stay at home Mr. Moms? School bus drivers? And what do the kids do at this daycare? Draw pictures? Of what? Play card games? Old Maid or Poker? Again, I ask, is this really a good idea? What if you take the kid in with you and he squeals to the significant other? Maybe the “Daycare” sign should read “Adult Daycare”…now there’s a service I could get behind!

Now, as fascinated as I was by these three signs, I had to Google the business and see what their website looks like. What I found surprised me. They have two VIP areas, the tallest poles in the valley, the hottest girls, the best drinks, happy hour, no cover for ladies or military or fire, and a café with specials. All that and the only thing they could think to advertise on the banners out front are fun, tattoos, and daycare?

Well, regardless of whether or not this marketing tactic is a good idea, I applaud the management of this fine establishment for finding new and creative ways to stay competitive in the current marketplace, especially with all of the steep competition for a dwindling number of customers.

That’s my story, strange but true, and I’m stickin’ to it. Hang on real tight now ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya,

Kayce